Heart to Heart with Mrs Ibukun Awosika

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If you follow me on Instagram, you would have heard that we had an intimate mentoring session, organised by Tara Durotoye, and this time she invited her own mentor, Mrs Ibukun Awosika to speak to us.

As a Tara mentee, I was allowed to invite 10 women to the event.

I could only invite the ladies in Online Empire Support Program, and a few of my old friends.

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I had the rare privilege of interviewing Mrs Ibukun Awosika and I was just over the moon. I was so excited because earlier in the year, when I had a Vision Board Party with my friends, I wrote on my Vision Board that I wanted to have the Best Interviews.

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As in, I wanted to interview people and I wanted the people I interview to open up, and to share things that will change the lives of the listeners forever. I wanted the people listening to have defining moments by virtue of the interview.

I have been recording the “Build Your Online Empire” Podcast series that is set to launch in January, and the interviews have been phenomenal. People are sharing things they have never said anywhere before, I feel like Oprah. Hahahahahahahaha.

Mrs Awosika’s interview brought the room down, and I was just weak. The testimonials have been all over Instagram, if you search for #tfdseries, you will see what I am talking about

We recorded the event, and hence there will be CDs of the event, but I decided to share my notes with you.

I wrote 42 pages.

Lol…you know I don’t play with personal development.

I can’t type out the 42 pages, but I have summarized the points into 3 key areas.

Advise for singles

If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.

Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.

You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.

Your life has three parts:

1. Who you are
2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself
3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother

One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.

When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.

You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.

If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.

You owe it to yourself not to settle.

Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.

If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.

Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.

When you are deciding on a man to marry:

Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.

It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.

Please take note of this:

The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.

He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.

His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.

When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.

He is always dependent on his daddy.

The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.

All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.

Be warned my daughters.

You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

Advise for Married Women

At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.

But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.

He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.

You have the power to manage this transition.

1. Don’t start what you cannot finish

Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday

The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person

2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do

You must have heard people say:

Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money

This is bad advice

If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.

All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.

One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.

For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”

When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.

Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the homefront. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.

Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.

In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.

In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.

God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one

The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.

Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money

Money is nothing.
It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.

Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.

When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.

I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful

You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:

Pressure from inlaws
Pressure from friends

They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.

Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.

If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.

If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.

If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.

Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

Business Advice

What business do you want to do?
Do you even know the business?
Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?
Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.
After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?
What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?

As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.

Invest in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.

Go to Business School.

If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.

You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?

We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.

If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.

I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.

If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.

After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.

What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.

It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.

Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.

Invest in yourself.

This is what will separate you from the crowd.

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.

This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.

Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.

It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.

It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.

I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.

If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.

Human beings in your life are very valuable.

By yourself, you are limited.

Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.

You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.

The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.

Love people.

Show care for people

Be kind to people.

If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.

Be firm, but just.

Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.

When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.

I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.

I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.

Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.

Keep your word

If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

I have to stop here, there was a lot more. If you have any further questions, feel free to write them down in the comments, and I will do my best to respond.

Please, please, please share this post with your friends. This will help marriages. The ladies at the event were so emotional because Mrs Awosika just saved their marriage and their business.

I know that it can help so many people, and I’m trying to see how we can share the message with as many people as possible.

Like I always say…you cannot come in contact with light and remain the same.

I hope this has a profound effect on you as it has on me.

With Love
Steph

55 Comments

  • Farida

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Thank u for this Steph

  • Miss Bored and Restless

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    #SeizeTheBae2016 featuring Stephanie. lol. Madam… Did you notice 3/4 of what you typed was on marriage? *whistling*

    Thanks for sharing though, it was amazing and insightful!

    Yoruba people have a saying ‘People are like clothes’. Treating people right always, always works. You cant own or manage a business and be nasty.

    BR.

  • ce

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Good day Steph,

    The reason why I haven’t left a comment on your blog before is that you + your posts make me weak.
    I get weak and lack words…in a good way I mean.

    Thank you & well done Steph.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Hahahahahahahahahahaha, that’s a good weakness

  • funmi kehinde

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Hi Steph,

    Can you please permit me to share this on my Linkedln profile?

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Sure

  • Tuke

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    WOW, Thanks for the Notes Steph, that’s a LOT to take in.

    http://www.tukesquest.com

  • Tosin Oketunji

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Hey Stephanie!

    1st time comment.

    I usually just slip in and out everyday…..”ghost-mode”…..this one however, I had to say a BIG, FAT “thank you”!!!

    I sent you an FB mail 2 days ago about how upset I was, at missing such an opportunity.

    Thanks for the recap.
    The wisdom in these words has helped save my marriage “in advance” (if that makes sense).

    #Emotional intelligence.

    God bless Mrs Awosika.
    God bless Mrs Fela-Durotoye.
    And God bless you, Stephanie!!!

    All the best with the Interview Series.
    Fingers crossed that the Vision Board party holds this week or in Januaryyyyy oooooooo!

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Glad it helped

  • B.kkie

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    I couldn’t stop nodding. This was both insightful and reassuring. Thank you for sharing Steph.

  • Sstar

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Thanks for sharing this, it is very helpful and insightful. Am sure the session was GREAT. Cheers

  • carnelyfuds

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Well done Steph. I appreciate the time you have put into this, did you go with a recorder?…lol…coz I can’t imagine how you were able to write this much. Thanks. How can I share this on IG?

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      I wrote it oh. 42 Pages.

  • Genevieve

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Hmm Steph, what can I say? Thanks for this PERFECT summary, you captured the true essence of Mrs Awosika’s message…thanks soo much for inviting me, I wouldn’t have missed it for the WORLD! It was a true BLESSING! She is a true BLESSING. YOU are a true BLESSING! I’m still WEAK because words cannot describe the difference that session made in my life…Looking forward to the next one as I share the message with as many women as possible…

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Awesome, Awesome

  • Adetoun

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    I’m reading this from work and you need to see me reading like i’m going to enter my screen of my computer. #gluedlikethat

    God bless you Stephanie. Thank you so much for penning these words. It’s timely, refreshing and I’m recharged. I’m sharing right away on all platforms. Thank you so much and God bless you tremendously.

    Pastor Blessing as we fondly call her is a dynamite always ready to explode. you can’t have enough of her. God bless you ma.

    Tara I have only met once and she was very pleasant. Thank you ma for putting this together.

    I’m jealous I was not in the room but I can feel what you felt from the tone of your write up.

    Thank you.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Lol @ #gluedlikethat

  • Dapo Adigun

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Thanks Steph very insightful.

  • Gift

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Thank u ma for sharing this God bless

  • felicita Ovadje

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    This is the moment, I wish I was in Nigeria. This post was amazing, and I am so happy to see the type of women we are raising in our generation. Hopefully, I will work side by side one day with you steph. You are such an inspiration to me.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Awwwwww, thank you Felicita

  • Fadilah

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    I was just nodding my head throughout the post. When you say you wrote 42 pages I was like ahn ahn but reading the summary I can understand. This is just too much. What I learnt reading this small summary ehn is a lot. Thank you for sharing the summary.
    I would want to get the full 42 pages from you o. Thanks for sharing. Madam is just ah-mazing. Abeg I wan attend the next one….pretty please

  • Xta

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    A big sigh of relief…. I bookmarked this and I need this as a constant reminder and assurance. Thank you Steph.

  • sola

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    Tanks Steph been looking forward to dis post,Mrs Awosika God bless her,Ave always admire her.Thank you so much for sharing.

  • abimbola

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    i was emotional reading this

    i praise God im on the right track
    the one or two things im not doing well, im going to adjust,starting from now
    God bless Mrs Awosika
    thank you for sharing Steph

    im interested in that CD though, when it is ready let us know

  • Debbie

    Reply Reply December 16, 2015

    I have never shared a blog post on FB and Twitter concurrently like I did this one, I even type ontop sef.
    Stephanie nwannem, knowing you is my 2015 highlight.
    I follow dey weak too
    My entire perspective just got reshuffled for the better.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 16, 2015

      Awwwwwwww

  • Dina

    Reply Reply December 17, 2015

    Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!. I didn’t want this write up to end. Amazing words there. Thanks to you Steph for giving those of us who missed the program,a succinct summary of what went down there. (Wish i could get the cd still) God bless you sis.God bless Mrs Awosika and Durotoye

  • Halima

    Reply Reply December 17, 2015

    This is awesome Steph, it touched me to my bone marrow. I’m always in deep thoughts, wondering if it’s wrong to have a really successful career or business and still have a happy marriage. This post is everything. God bless you Steph.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 17, 2015

      Awwww, it’s possible ohhh

  • Remi

    Reply Reply December 17, 2015

    Kapow! !!!! !!

  • adaeze

    Reply Reply December 17, 2015

    Lord, Lord, there is so much in this write-up. Can’t imagine how much would be left in your notes. I really need a mentor oo! I am sooo much more than what I am now. Please how do I get one?

  • francisca

    Reply Reply December 17, 2015

    Hmmmn. This post has saved my world. It has helped me pause on some decisions I was almost making.

    Thanks Steph. Thanks my Chairman Mrs Awosika, thanks madam Tara.

    Steph, thanks for the change you have been for me

  • Tosin Alabi

    Reply Reply December 18, 2015

    STEPH!!! Oh how I loved this!! please can I repost this on my blog? I’d certainly give credits and embed links. this is so powerful and I am absolutely encouraged. This light must shine bright!!

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 18, 2015

      Sure. Lol

  • Stephy

    Reply Reply December 18, 2015

    Stephanie,

    You ALWAYS give us the ‘Vitamins’ we need to cover he core areas of our lives. I really these words, and i am guarding myself with it..

    Thanks for sharing.

  • folashade

    Reply Reply December 18, 2015

    This is so insightful. I lost track of time reading this. You have no idea how helpful this is at this stage of my life. Go Steph!!!

  • Ihotu

    Reply Reply December 18, 2015

    This is so profound
    Thank you for sharing Steph and great job.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 19, 2015

      You welcome, Ihotu

  • Ruth

    Reply Reply December 18, 2015

    Very insightful read. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you. I’ve equally shared on Facebook,twitter and bbm.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply December 19, 2015

      Thank you Ruth

  • temitayo

    Reply Reply December 21, 2015

    Mind-blowing and next best thing I read after my bible this morning. Eye-opening and re-assuring, thanks for raking out time to pass this on. Loved, loved and loved.

  • Ng

    Reply Reply December 21, 2015

    Thank you Steph.

  • Olajumoke Adebayo

    Reply Reply December 22, 2015

    This is my first time commenting,this made me weak,blew me away,and reassured me that I can have my home and business and enjoy both. I wrote this down for myself ” Mrs Awosika is my new mentor, I am myself but I am going to be a better myself version of her when I grow up”
    To achieve this l must start with a session with Stephanie in January. Thanks Stephanie for being an inspiration.

  • Soldtochrist

    Reply Reply January 4, 2016

    Hi Stephanie,
    Came over to your blog from E’s and can I just say I am so glad I did.
    I feel like this post, and your blog is one of the ways God is preparing me for my business empire.
    I will be sure to stay tuned, and go thru old posts,already subscribed to your business tips
    Thanks so much.
    God bless you.

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply January 4, 2016

      Welcome, welcome

  • Akinremi Funmilayo

    Reply Reply January 6, 2016

    I have never taken time to read or listen to anything written by people in the past especially when it has to do with business and family but this has been inspiring and thank God for someone like Mrs Ibukun Awosika,that makes us know that a normal woman too can make it work on both sides of business and family.

  • Ihatemylife

    Reply Reply January 8, 2016

    “If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble”. True that. I’m in big trouble. Took me 6months into marriage to realize it but the truth is, I saw the signs…

    …”Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are”. Wish Someone told me this before I got married… Feels like hell. I’m screaming but no one can hear me…

    • ngozi

      Reply Reply January 16, 2017

      hello dear..am no where near as experienced as you are and I cant say I understand ..but I know one thing that you should know..you are strong and God is a master planner and cannot plant you where you cannot survive….so I say this reevaluate and re-strategise….what you proclaim and work towards is what you get..all the best dear

  • Francess Awunor

    Reply Reply August 24, 2016

    May God bless you for sharing this priceless experience Stephanie Obi
    Please where can i get the CD?

    • Stephanie Obi

      Reply Reply August 24, 2016

      You can find theTFDSeries on Instagram, ask them there

  • janny

    Reply Reply October 31, 2016

    Dear steph
    Thank you for this beautiful summary
    I don’t known what to say but deep down inside me I really was motivated inspired and encouraged,
    I am Deaf lady a Modelenterpreneur and strive to make impact in the life of Deaf women,I will love to share this message o them,believing it will help them as it has helped me.
    Thank Mrs awosika

  • Blessing Nnaji

    Reply Reply January 9, 2017

    Thank you stephanie for sharing. I took a biro and started writting cause i have gained a lot. I know what i want to achieve before the end of 2017.

  • Henry Fregene

    Reply Reply January 9, 2017

    Dear Steph,thank you for creating this platform to spread these ideas capable of building intrinsic values for making sound and balanced decisions and much more how to manage boundaries intelligently. God bless you.

  • dee

    Reply Reply April 9, 2017

    Hi steph thank you so much for this summary. pls how can I get the cd?

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